Trapped scent — — The Pensieve’s Woe

Raj was on his way to his ancestral home. He looked outside the car window with great excitement and on inquiring his parents got to know it was about half an hour before he would reach his ancestral home.

12year old Raj lived with his parents and a pet dog Sterling in UK. It was the first time he was coming to both India and his ancestral home in a remote village, Udainagar in Rajasthan. No one lived in his ancestral home, (a 300-year-old Haveli only half of which was habitable) except his grandparents and a few house helps. Raj descended from the erstwhile zamindars of the village.

The car stopped near the ornately decorated and huge iron gate of the Haveli. Raj’s grandparents were waiting outside. They greeted Raj and his parents with warm hugs and cuddled Sterling lovingly. The last rays of the sun flooded the dusk-sky.

Raj spent the evening with his grandparents and then had his dinner. After which he went to sleep early because he was to wake up early the next day.

The next day began with Raj getting ready with his parents for special prayers and rituals in the temple of The Kuldevata of The Rajput Shekhawat family, Raj’s family. The temple, almost in ruins, was located in the outskirts of the hugely spread Haveli. Raj with his parents, grandparents and Sterling reached the temple.

The rituals started and the temple was decorated lavishly with flowers for the day. Raj having considerably less interest in the on-going rituals begun exploring the temple with Sterling.

He saw the carvings on the walls, which showed how wealthy the Shekhawats were when they were the zamindars of Udainagar. Raj gasped in awe. All of a sudden Sterling seemed uncontrollable.

“Come on Sterls. I said you to pee while we were in the room. You can’t pee here.”, Raj said.

On seeing Sterling’s increasing uneasiness, Raj stepped outside the temple and went eastwards inside the ruins of this side of the haveli.

It was a shabby space. It seemed that there were a couple of rooms there, carelessly built.

“But who would live here, in these rooms. They are literally far from the main Haveli and moreover the house helps live just beside the main Haveli. And as grandpa said, the house helps have been living in those rooms since forever.”, Raj said to himself while Sterling started to pee in one of the corners of the first room.

There were four rooms and the walls were layered with moss and the roofs had almost fallen off.

The rooms were empty except the fourth one.

This was the smallest room and was surprisingly cramped with books fallen here and there. Broken cupboards were also present which were also cramped with books. There was a broken bed in the centre. In a corner there was a broken study table too. On it there were two things — -a photo frame whose glass was broken from the middle and a diary.

Raj picked up the photo. There were four people in it — — -Raj’s Great-Grandparents (Raj had seen their photos earlier) and his father were recognizable. But there was someone else. A boy. He looked like he was in his late teenage. He highly resembled Raj’s great-grandfather and grandfather in face.

“May be this is grandpa’s brother. But nobody mentioned him to me.”, thought Raj. He knew every relative of the Shekhawat family — -even the distant ones but this blue shirt clad boy with those intelligent eyes and chiselled handsome face was absolutely unknown to him.

“Who’s this?”, he wondered.

He opened the diary. A very strong wind blew and all the pages rattled and turned.

“Raj.”, said a clear, deep voice.

Raj turned back.

“Whhhhoooo?”, Raj was taken aback and a cold wave went down his spine.

It was the boy in the picture.

“Who are you?”, asked Raj very frightened.

The boy said with smile, “Samarth Singh Shekhawat, your grandfather’s brother.”. There was this misty glow around him.

Before Raj could imply or say anything, he spoke again.

“Now don’t be afraid when I say this — — I died 70 years ago.”

So clearly, Raj was talking to a ghost, a bloody ghost.

Raj stood still as rock. He was too overwhelmed to make the slightest movement.

Slowly, Samarth started walking towards Raj. Raj winced, gasped and wanted to scream. He couldn’t.

Samarth held his hand and did the unthinkable.

He jumped inside the diary and pulled Raj with unimaginable force and both went INSIDE the diary. They were in a dark tunnel, it seemed. Suddenly everything lighted up.

In front of Raj was a white screen.

Samarth smiled and jumped inside the screen. A movie started on the screen.

Raj couldn’t think. Thoughts were racing on his mind. He was feeling numb too. But he stared. He stared in awe. He stared wide-eyed at the screen.

It seemed that Raj had entered Samarth’s life and was witnessing all parts of Samarth’s life.

He saw his birth. He was indeed the brother of his grandfather and the first born to his great-grandparents.

He saw every important phase of Samarth’s life. He could see him grow up. He saw the first time he walked, his first day in school and what not? He felt almost as if like he was dropped in Dumbledore’s pensieve.

Then came the most important part and the last.

What he saw in short is this — —

On that fateful day, like every other day, Samarth had returned home from school. Raj’s grandfather was not home as he had gone for his football coaching.

Samarth was talking with his best friend.

His father was passing by while Samarth was talking.

Samarth seemed to sob.

“But how do I tell them? It’s about time they knew. And before they get to know from anybody else, I want to tell them.”

Samarth’s father grew suspicious. He stopped and continued to listen everything; he could sense that something was wrong.

“……I don’t have any idea how dad will react. He will kill me if he gets to know.”, there was a pain in his voice.

Samarth’s father was now sure that something definitely wrong.

“How do I tell him that I am gay? That I would never be able to be that ‘masculine’ as he expects me to be….”

His father waited for 10 solid seconds, expressionless, entered the room and started brutally thrashing him.

Samarth was taken aback and his cries of agony flooded the house. To prevent any interruption, biggest of which was Samarth’s mother, his father locked the room and continued.

Raj’s great-grandfather murmured while thrashing Samarth, “I always had my suspicions. You are not my son; you don’t deserve to be a Rajput.”

The consequence was, Samarth was thrown away and all his belongings were dumped in the rooms which were on one side of the Haveli. His entry was prohibited in the Haveli.

Anguished, depressed and heartbroken, Samarth stared at his wounds.

He stared at those wounds which would heal. But the wounds he couldn’t stare were the ones which would NEVER heal.

He took a knife, cut his vein and thus suicided. Samarth came-out in the afternoon and by the evening, his homophobe father had removed all his signs from the household. Apparently, this wasn’t enough, so his father didn’t stop here, he called the villagers into the house, just because he wanted them to throw stones and shoes at Samarth’s dead body. So that nobody like Samarth would be born.

Satan personified himself.

Raj’s grandfather and great-grandma were devastated mentally. Their pain knew no bounds. She tried to save Samarth but his father locked her up in a room and only then threw Samarth out. Later in the night she attempted to suicide, but failed.

Raj was profusely crying. He never could have imagined how cruel his great-grandfather was.

Samarth came out from the screen and again smile sadly.

Raj spoke now, “And you didn’t reach heaven as you sinned by suiciding.”. His voice was shaking tremendously and was absolutely moved. He wasn’t ‘afraid’ anymore.

“Yes.”

Raj hugged Samarth. He couldn’t speak. His tears wetted his shirt.

“We were destined to meet today. After 70 years of death, I never imagined somebody would ever hold my diary up and summon me to come out of it.”

“You were trapped inside?”

“Yes, I was. And as I didn’t die with peace, my soul didn’t liberate. Which is why I remain to be trapped. And every day, every night I remain trapped inside crying in pain.”

“I will help you to liberate yourself.” There was a flash in his eyes and determination in Raj’s voice.

Raj was still holding on to Samarth.

“Nothing can be done Raj. I will never attain salvation.”, Samarth smiled wistfully.

He kept on saying, “There’s one promise you can make though.”

They were looking straight in each other’s eyes.

“Promise me, that you will NEVER, NEVER disrespect or torcher the people who are different than how the society expects them to be. Who are beyond the limits of conventions and don’t agree to traditions. But believe me, even they are created by Nature. Be with the oppressed Raj and not the oppressor.”, Samarth had tears in his eyes.

“Promise me you would work for the welfare of people like me. Please Raj, I beg of you.”

“Only on one condition: Stay with me. Don’t leave me alone.”, said Raj.

“You don’t have to ask for it Raj.”, said Samarth, now almost crying.

“I give you my word, and you don’t need to convince me. But, be with me.”, Raj whispered.

“But why do I feel dizzy.” Raj continued.

Everything went blurred for Raj, except Samarth.

Raj opened his eyes and saw his parents and grandparents having a tensed and a frightened look on their faces. He was inside a room in the Haveli. And behind their parents there was Samarth, smiling. Whose presence was apparently not felt by anyone.

Raj and his parents returned to UK that very day. But Raj never knew why they returned in such a hurry.

And as far is Samarth is concerned, he NEVER left Raj.